“Blue Girl”

Tick Tock goes the clock

Tick Tock goes the knock

Knock…knock…knock as the hammer comes down to land in the exact spot.

My teeth, yellow with disease

Yellow as a sunflower

Sinking into that piece of freshly cut meat I neeeed.

Delicate whispers of song and dance in my ear

Keeping me awake are the voices of yesteryear…

Dancing in my skull are puppets of the undead pounding against the marrow filled walls.

Christmas is the time for cheer

Time for joy

Time for jeer

Time to wrap, wrap, wrap up your dead.

Give it a nice bow instead.

Blue girl, blue girl where did they find you?

In a lake

In a pond

Or under a stake?

Blue girl, blue girl are you cold and grey?

Lips purple and blue to match the sunset today-

Blue girl, blue girl who found you?

A cousin?

A friend?

A foe?

Did the killer himself return you hoome?

~ P

The Light Have...nots

I watch as they mix my coffee for me. That little brown straw with a stripe along the side I am not allowed to even have. There isn't much you can do with it. Well that's not true- as you can tell from their methods I describe, they are keeping themselves safe from me. The coffee is so weak, I'm basically drinking watered down tinted milk. God forbid they stimulate any of us in here. How disastrous that may be.

Over the weekend we lost another member of the jumpsuit squad.

"Happiness is slavery" as Reznor puts it and slavery is bursting at the seems here among these stone walls. I fear that Zues himself won't be able to keep these pillars from crumbling much longer.

Sid was in his cubical and had his arms tide as he always does. It's actually quite a feeling being strapped back like that. Even if your not diagnosed **CRAZY** but wrapped up in the jumpsuit you'll look crazy soon enough! Your arms eventually go numb, your pecker feels as if it's been shoved up your own ass. The floor always tastes terrible when your laying face down on it. The smell of feces, urine and foot odor stings the nose.

Sid had it down to a science. His flexibility was astonishing, like watching a wounded animal break dancing to get upright. Some lemmings just crawl and whale because they can't make it work. No one really knows what happened Saturday, but Ponce told me that Sid's arms may not have been fully buckled and he decided to go the way of autoerotic asphyxiation. Sid was always a ladies man here if you know what I mean. Always up for a sexual challenge. There are worse ways to die in here and his style was the first.

I toast to you Sid with my turd colored water, may your soul ping pong down to the levels of hell. You got off easy you sick pervert.

~ patrik

broken voices

it's been several weeks- since ive been posting.

i've been playing nice with all the other lunatics in here. just been keeping a low profile. thinking.

grumbled voices in harmony swell in my head at a crescendo pitch that makes the hair on the back of my head stand on end. as if the devil himself has sent his minions to crawl from my spine and suffocate me while i sleep.

yes....these are the dreams i've ben having as of late.

ive only been close to death twice.

its a surreal experience that has given me an almost euphoric hard on for life. I'm not religious, I never was. But as I AM CONFINED in this dwelling of old. I have been working on accepting my fate. But a fate that I WILL DETERMINE.



-patricK

"All the towers of ivery are crumbling"

It's raining here today. Those little drops of tears from heaven tap at my window pane. It's supposed to be Spring~ what happened to those days of flowers popping up from the carrion filled hollowed ground?

I have been spending my days and nights thinking about all that is hopeful. Perhaps its the new meds doc has me on. Perhaps I have given up trying to figure out what my future holds.

I watch as my cement walls continue to fuse together, tighter~ I think they're trying to squeeze me out. Everyday at 0930 I walk heel to toe around the perimeter of my cubical which has always been ten by eight feet. But for the last week I have discovered that it has shrunken by almost an inch. I took off my pasty white, lace less loafers to be certain. I typically do this to double check my math. There is a half inch difference due to the manufactured rubber sole. But this can also be problematic, because I have in the past let my toe nails grow for months and months so they become pressed against the inside of my shoes. Though they have been slowly curving to accommodate the tight fit.

Regardless~ I scribble all my wavy measurements on the wall with a nub of charcoal I snuck from art class.

In solitary the cubicles are much smaller. seven by five. It's like sleeping in a mausoleum, cold, damp, no windows, no bed, just a soiled stained mattress. There used to be a pillow when I first was placed in there. But I think Henri used it to kill himself after only a week. So now we're left with nothing.

A week, how funny that a big pussy like him couldn't handle it. He was in for filleting his wife and kid. Copping insanity. You think someone who had enough patience to do that and withstand the site of so much blood and carnage could hack it. He only made it through six months before he decided to stab Clarence in the throat with a chicken leg bone he smuggled out of the cafeteria.

Or was it a toothbrush- sometimes these little slices of memory just meld.

Mr. Self DeCONstruct

It's been just over a yr that i was out here in this digital crowd of 010101010ZOMBIES010101010 ~waiting for the time in wich i was to be REEbooTED which is exactly what happened to me.

dancing in this suit of flesh that tickles my balls when left unzipped in the wind from your cold dead breath.

speak to me the dead behind yur eye_the vacant stare from the others socket, i spit in. Watching my saliva spiral into the bloody mass that absorbs my DNA. Whoops~ gotta learn to CONTROL myself in such situations of REAL<<<<
Nothing can stop me now......




nothing can......stop me now......

no...thin...g, c...an sto......

i am more in touch with myself, no~not~touchg~myself, in touch with myself. It doesn't make me feel better. i enjoyed the empty abyss that was my mind. absorbed i did. everything and anything.

including that eyebal. though never was a fan of meat. it cured me of that~humans are GROSS~

i want to feel you fromm the inside, but with gloves and soap at the ready. must keep clean in an enviroment that crime has created. never leave it behind, no trophy to be taken~dispose off it all.


move on as fast as possible~ keep them guessing, make changes IN UR LIFE. make sure to keep vigilant (never lazy). otherwise u r found out and its the end.

...right Dr. Lee

that little fucker, i can feel his eye's burning the top of my head. he stares down like a piggy sticking his nose in a trough of rotted water. his stink over powers me as a i write.

Just STOP!

his cock breath sickens me.

thinking of other things. getting him out of my head where he resides. If I HAD A SOUL to sell i would, just to escape his leering eye's. that's okay. JENNA takes up the thoughts for me..

what i would do to her......

my heart beats like an industrial speed drummer in overdrive just thinking about how she smells. her days ive watched pass by me. her visits are fewer now. oh how i wish to have a memento of such sweetness.

in my years of being shuttled around from one septic to another, there have been some. not as many as one would boast. but they reside as thousands in my mind for those days that are long and time just stops. those days i hate~ i want to see those days passfasterandfaster. my little demon, no not my penis u pervs.

Hermaphroditus - ur cool warmth has escaped me for many nights. why have u not shown urself to me. was it the MACHINE?


please answer.....................................................................................................................................

*I have been starving.

i have been here~feeding u my fears and desires. i have felt ur touch from beyond, as if a faint whisper from a star had kissed me.

*You were absent from mind and thought.

i cannot bare ur distant from me any further.

*Hibernating = Waiting to see if that dildo finally came out of your ass so we can get back to work!

u are in my warm place, i embrace u wholly, never one doubts oneself.

whispering to me, why? I know they can hear, what? they can read what your writing you idiot.

STOP TELLING THEM EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!




 

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This is where it will end...

It's been almost a year since I was sent away after my last entry for mr. kann. What does that mean? Does it mean away inside your own head or away in the literal sense of going into the hold? Transferred? Well I'll tell you............it feels like a beat of a drum as my heart pounds away, down that road of life and into a gutter that was narrow, filled with dirt, grime. Acid filled up around my testicles as I sat in the HOLE. Yes the black hole known as the center of hell that only Dante knows. But I feel as if I am approaching a level that has broken through the membrane of flaccid tissue surrounding my soul. Broken into pieces, shattered beyond repair as the medics rebuild it. Torn by teeth of truth, this flesh burns with the forever knowledge of brutality and pain.
I am the sun that beats down on this mother of which she is called Earth.
I am the deaf following the blind through this skirmish called life.
I am the flick of a match as it descends to the watery grave of a muddy puddle filled with the dog shit from two years ago.
I am the piece of pie cooling on the window sill.
I am the blade of grass we cut and feed to our animals.

Traveling through cosmic time known only as the decimal point era. The causes are unknown, but knowing your enemy, a fly you cannot catch. The little bastard eludes you-then when you think you have him cornered, out smarted and surrounded-you lunge, causing collateral damage in your space. BUT do you succeed? NO, you fucking fail and that dung eating 100 eyed cock sucker rears it's E.coli suckers and comes back for vengeance as you lay there with a cut across your brow. How dare he lands there while you're unconcious. Filling your blood with poison from a 1000 beasts-flowing into your highway of arteries. To your brain. EATME.......DRINKME........

this is what he is thinking, laughing at you, you fool- grace was never one of your strong points. Now you mr. kan are the prick on the floor, bleeding from your tender wound-I will feed off you until i can make it back. telling me I cannot be alive within the confines of my mind. your wrong.