Tuesday, March 19, 2013

"All the towers of ivery are crumbling"

It's raining here today. Those little drops of tears from heaven tap at my window pane. It's supposed to be Spring~ what happened to those days of flowers popping up from the carrion filled hollowed ground?

I have been spending my days and nights thinking about all that is hopeful. Perhaps its the new meds doc has me on. Perhaps I have given up trying to figure out what my future holds.

I watch as my cement walls continue to fuse together, tighter~ I think they're trying to squeeze me out. Everyday at 0930 I walk heel to toe around the perimeter of my cubical which has always been ten by eight feet. But for the last week I have discovered that it has shrunken by almost an inch. I took off my pasty white, lace less loafers to be certain. I typically do this to double check my math. There is a half inch difference due to the manufactured rubber sole. But this can also be problematic, because I have in the past let my toe nails grow for months and months so they become pressed against the inside of my shoes. Though they have been slowly curving to accommodate the tight fit.

Regardless~ I scribble all my wavy measurements on the wall with a nub of charcoal I snuck from art class.

In solitary the cubicles are much smaller. seven by five. It's like sleeping in a mausoleum, cold, damp, no windows, no bed, just a soiled stained mattress. There used to be a pillow when I first was placed in there. But I think Henri used it to kill himself after only a week. So now we're left with nothing.

A week, how funny that a big pussy like him couldn't handle it. He was in for filleting his wife and kid. Copping insanity. You think someone who had enough patience to do that and withstand the site of so much blood and carnage could hack it. He only made it through six months before he decided to stab Clarence in the throat with a chicken leg bone he smuggled out of the cafeteria.

Or was it a toothbrush- sometimes these little slices of memory just meld.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Mr. Self DeCONstruct

It's been just over a yr that i was out here in this digital crowd of 010101010ZOMBIES010101010 ~waiting for the time in wich i was to be REEbooTED which is exactly what happened to me.

dancing in this suit of flesh that tickles my balls when left unzipped in the wind from your cold dead breath.

speak to me the dead behind yur eye_the vacant stare from the others socket, i spit in. Watching my saliva spiral into the bloody mass that absorbs my DNA. Whoops~ gotta learn to CONTROL myself in such situations of REAL<<<<
Nothing can stop me now......

nothing can......stop me now......

no...thin...g, c...an sto......

i am more in touch with myself, no~not~touchg~myself, in touch with myself. It doesn't make me feel better. i enjoyed the empty abyss that was my mind. absorbed i did. everything and anything.

including that eyebal. though never was a fan of meat. it cured me of that~humans are GROSS~

i want to feel you fromm the inside, but with gloves and soap at the ready. must keep clean in an enviroment that crime has created. never leave it behind, no trophy to be taken~dispose off it all.

move on as fast as possible~ keep them guessing, make changes IN UR LIFE. make sure to keep vigilant (never lazy). otherwise u r found out and its the end.

...right Dr. Lee

that little fucker, i can feel his eye's burning the top of my head. he stares down like a piggy sticking his nose in a trough of rotted water. his stink over powers me as a i write.

Just STOP!

his cock breath sickens me.

thinking of other things. getting him out of my head where he resides. If I HAD A SOUL to sell i would, just to escape his leering eye's. that's okay. JENNA takes up the thoughts for me..

what i would do to her......

my heart beats like an industrial speed drummer in overdrive just thinking about how she smells. her days ive watched pass by me. her visits are fewer now. oh how i wish to have a memento of such sweetness.

in my years of being shuttled around from one septic to another, there have been some. not as many as one would boast. but they reside as thousands in my mind for those days that are long and time just stops. those days i hate~ i want to see those days passfasterandfaster. my little demon, no not my penis u pervs.

Hermaphroditus - ur cool warmth has escaped me for many nights. why have u not shown urself to me. was it the MACHINE?

please answer.....................................................................................................................................

*I have been starving.

i have been here~feeding u my fears and desires. i have felt ur touch from beyond, as if a faint whisper from a star had kissed me.

*You were absent from mind and thought.

i cannot bare ur distant from me any further.

*Hibernating = Waiting to see if that dildo finally came out of your ass so we can get back to work!

u are in my warm place, i embrace u wholly, never one doubts oneself.

whispering to me, why? I know they can hear, what? they can read what your writing you idiot.