“DiSoRdEr”

The first day of SPRING came and went the other day-
How cold it has been-my skin is thin, almost transparent. Some of the orderlies thought they could see in through my chest and found my heart-

That’s a relief- because I was told I never had one
My mother was not a believer in such fairy tales-I struggle with that because I feel that there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Except the way it’s turned out is that there is a pile of despair and solitude-

All I want to do is dance to the radio-dance on those small piles of ashes, the crimes spawned from man, from Hades belching forth Cerberbus, spewing him towards mankind, churning up the land, the seas, tipping the balance of man upside down. The last thing I want and I know I don’t have any right to ask this-

But the God given right, not the right from man or his laws, but God himself, to be allowed to step onto a free patch of grass-away from this place. If there is a disorder to the universe it’s coming, coming in droves. Trapped inside the head of a madman I can see the future which had been abbreviated through time. I am not from the hand of God, I am not one of his ANGELS or even one of his DEMONS-

I’m caught in bardo- how am I supposed to react to this. I do not know when this happened, but I do know it exists. Perhaps it’s when I ended up here. I’m suspended in lies. This is why Jenna is the key, perhaps she is the one I need to make my transformation into this world. Perhaps she is only a guide. I pay the ferryman he will bring me bounds of riches-

Isolation…