“I am a white coat”

7am

I stare down the corridor to a wild eye group of white coats.  I want one. So that, perhaps if nothing else I can manipulate the status quos.  All my friends that were here are now gone.  Friends I don’t mean the imaginary ones-I only have one of those.  Though Hermaphroditus doesn’t like to be called imaginary.The BEAST takes great pain in that phrase.  IT wants to pretend we’re family in the traditional sense.  I just can’t have that-I may have to ask HER to leave me be for a while.  I need to re-examine my status here.  People are leaving or dying.  By the hand that feeds-perhaps by their creator.

One could only wish that they were forged flesh from a mushroom or a hummingbird-perhaps it would make more sense or at least a tangible grasp on reality.  Trying to live your life to the fullest extent, propping yourself up there as if the all MIGHTY will see you among the sand pebbles.

A buzzer has gone off in my head and I lost my train of thought-though today I feel good writing. I’m not as hopped up on my medication as I was the other night.  I don’t dare read that insanity-that’s what the STATE does for me.

Back to my first tangent-

Point I mean-

The white coat-I need one. I want Jenna to see me wearing it. She may think I’m the badest of bad with one on.  I would be just like her father.  Except not ASIAN, no, no I’m a white bread all American nutty as they say here behind the curtains.

I looked outside this morning to see a mountain of snow.  Vast white landscape of wet just goes on as far as the eye can see.  My white coat and I would vanish in the drifts of the frozen wasteland.  They wouldn’t even know. Must think, how can this be  my only idea.

I have been in this place for ……………………………………..five years one month fourteen days-hours mean nothing. That’s pretentious. With  the exception of my stint out west last year.  What a nightmare-Hermaphroditus didn’t like that too much.

The google-eyed bunch that stairs at me through the chicken wired glass has no idea what I’m capable of-though I’m sure they might considering that they read all of this gibberish. But inside is a world, so full of empty you could fit a lifetime into my mind.  Lavender is the smell of my space between my ears.

I know this becuae I am told by Hermaphroditus that it’s IT’s favorite.

How could an imaginary family member know that?

I’m a better speller without the rainbow colored of pills in my system. IN fact –nevermind.

It’s 830am my leg is cramped up.  I have recess at 11am, I hope Francis is there today.  He is always playing chess with himself.  Some how his penis always beats him-ha!

Francis is a smart cookie-he can eat and shit correctly. Though the other bunch of apes in this place are not fans.  I think it’s because he smells like baby powder.  Who knows.

It’s 835am leaving my sanitarium to go for a walk in the drifts of insanity.